One of the dubious benefits of dealing with a mental illness for much of your life is that your life is likely to have more than the usual number of rocky patches, which are rich with learning potential. Today my hairdressertold me her 21-year-old daughter had just moved back home after living with a boyfriend for awhile. The boyfriend was mentally, physically and emotionally abusive. "So she has no self-esteem whatsoever," my hairdresser said. I wanted to say: She didn't have any to begin with.
I can't tell my daughters how to find true love. I was miserable at that, until one day True Love found me. I can, however, tell them What Not To Do.
If he hates all your friends and says he wants you just for himself, do not tell yourself that your judgment up to now has been faulty. If he wants to know where you are every minute of the day, do not put yourself at his beck and call. If he ever belittles you, even in private, do not tell yourself that you deserved it. If he ever pisses on your achievements, do not tell yourself that you have finally found somebody smart enough to notice you're a fraud. If he ever accuses you of infidelity, do not attempt to reassure him. Men who are obsessed with infidelity are not capable of being reassured. If he ever hits, pushes or punches you, do not accept excuses. Even four-year-olds know not to hit.
Oh, yeah, and one last thing: don't think that smart women don't fall for these things. They do.