So tonight I'm at the neighbors' cookout, and learn from our (childless) friends across the street that they are thinking of moving. They have the nicest house on the block, by far. So why are you moving? I want to know. He replies that they want a bigger house in a more rural county. "We want hardwood floors. We want doors with set-in panels. We want real marble countertops. We want the nice stuff," he said.
That's definitely a couple of steps up from my neighborhood, for sure. I know they both make good money. So why not?
"Because," I passionately want to say to them, "don't you realize you are not just buying a nicer house? You are buying a lifestyle. You are entering into an agreement with the future which says that either children are not part of your life (not my business; I didn't ask) OR that your children will have to fit into the niches of your lives left by your jobs and your house. Because you will be paying for that house for years to come. You will have longer commutes. And you may be surprised--many people have been surprised--that after the kids come along, you wish your days were longer. You wish you had more time on your hands.
"Because kids are about so much more, so MUCH more, than hardwood floors and real granite countertops. Because someday you may wish you had a little bit of that mortgage payment you will be making in your own bank account, to pay for a big trip out West with your kids, or to Europe, or for special music camp. Because, as unbelievable as it now seems, your career may not always be on an upward trajectory; because a year may come when you actually make less than you did the year before.
"Because someday you may have a child who needs special medical care.
"If you know you won't have kids, if you are absolutely certain of this, go ahead. Buy that big house. If you have inherited some trust fund I don't know about--by all means, enjoy your good fortune. But if you're not sure, if you think that children might be part of your life together, for God's sake reconsider. The house you live in right now is better than 99 percent of what the world's population will ever have, or dream of having. Granite countertops are nice; I'd like them myself. But I'll take happiness--real, authentic happiness--over that any day.
"Think about your choice. Think."
That's what I would say. But of course, it's none of my business. (sigh)....