1. Head into the kitchen for lunch. Stand in front of fridge meditating on what to eat. Decide on salad. Pick up the lettuce to discover it's sitting in something slimy. Spend the next 45 minutes cleaning out the fridge. Spill lots of water on the floor in the process. Look down. What the hell, floor needs mopping too. Eat lunch 90 minutes late.
2. Hear older daughter say she has urgent need for cardboard for a school project. I need big boxes! she says. Put out an APB for big boxes, hear from neighbor she has some she was getting ready to put in recycling. Go over at night to fetch boxes, in middle of downpour. Get home only to hear daughter say, "I'm really sorry, Mom, but I decided not to do that project." On recycling day, have fun taking out your neighbor's trash.
3. On trip to mailbox, notice that the veterans' charity that was supposed to pick up those six bags of stuff you put out by the curb never made an appearance. Call up charity to chew them out REAL GOOD about asking for donations and then not showing up. Half an hour later, notice the bags are gone; the truck was just late.
4. Buy 50-foot-long garden hose on sale. Get home, realize it's long enough to water your neighbor's lawn three doors down. Conclude that maybe husband was right: we didn't need a hose this long. Buy big hose winder thingy to keep it on. Practically pull arms out of sockets winding it up--then discover it's the only thing you have that will reach the new magnolia tree at the end of the lawn. Unwind.
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