So the other day I get a phone call from Suzanne's principal, who sounds very, very serious, and she says I need to come to talk to her ASAP because of a serious disciplinary problem with my third-grade daughter. My thoughts immediately go to garish and horrible possibilities: she decided to show the whole class her booty. She started running around in circle singing, "BOW-chick-a-BOW-wow/That's what my BABY said..." She carefully peeled the scab off some boo-boo until the blood was running and then held it up and screamed "I"M DYING!" --because all these are things I could definitely see her doing, she has done them at home many times, and I am just hoping to GOD that the urge didn't strike her at school.
But no. The problem, I'm told, is that Suzanne used a bad word. A very, VERY bad word. The F word, in fact. The details are this: She's sitting in science class, doodling in her science notebook, and asks some kind next to her a question. Suzanne has a hard time keeping her mouth shut, and this kid, who is actually trying to listen to the video they are watching (yeah, I know: weird) brushed her off and rather forcefully, let's say, told Suzanne not to talk to him anymore. This made Suzanne angry. So in her science notebook, she drew a picture of this kid and captioned it 'FUCKHEAD." A teacher's aide who happened to be walking behind her about that time saw this over her shoulder and the next thing you know, a SWAT team had the building surrounded. No, that was a joke. What really happened was the Suzanne got hauled down to the principal's office and the word "expulsion" was being used.
Okay, I am not in favor of calling anybody a "fuckhead," especially if the person doing this is a 3d grader, because the world is un-civil enough as it is and there's just no need to be nasty. (I make an exception here for certain newspaper editors I have worked for, who really were fuckheads.) I immediately ask Suzanne, "Where did you learn this language?" and she names a classmate of hers and I think: Wow. Dodged a bullet there--because, as I think I have mentioned, I have been known to use some bad language myself, on occasion. So I give Suzanne a very strong lecture about how words are hurtful and offensive and language is powerful, and we must be very, very careful with what we call people, because words can leave lasting scars. Etc. And she is appropriately (I think) contrite.
But afterward, I thought, I wouldn't blame her for being kind of confused about this subject. For one thing, using bad language is a talent that just comes naturally to me, and hard as I have tried over the years, with some success, there are some things that burst from my lips in moments of extreme crisis, like when I drop a whole carton of eggs on the floor, that I would just as soon my children not hear, or imitate--even though they probably do, and will. Also, we have talked with her over and over about dealing with anger, and how the best ways are to "use your words" and "keep a journal"--and here she was, doing exactly what we have told her to do, albeit not in exactly the way we had intended. Somehow, though, I don't think that last observation would have gone over well with the principal, who looked like she was ready to put ME in detention along with Suzanne, and frankly I am a little bit afraid of this lady. So I think for the foreseeable future the two of us are going to be on her watch list. Like daughter, like mother. Sometimes a role model is the very LAST thing you want to be.
