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November 28, 2006

A Poem, By My Daughter

Okay, this comes under the heading of Obnoxious Bragging, but sooner or later we parents all fall into this vicious habit. I promise I won't do this again...real soon. Anyway, my 10-year-old came home with this today:

                     Water

I am as wet as when you get out of the shower
But in a storm I have tons of great power
I'm as big as a ginormous lightning storm
But in the summer, I am always warm
I am as sturdy as wooden building blocks
But, as fluid, I can crash against rocks
I can be in the sink
I can even be frozen on an ice skating rink
Can you tell me what I am? Because I don't know
But if you do, I'll give you some dough
So please tell me--use your head
Just stand on the beach and look straight ahead.


The Transcendental Moment...Sometimes

"Look, Mom. There's a piece of a rainbow in the sky."

"That's not a rainbow. That's a contrail."

"What's a contrail?"

"It's ice crystals left in the atmosphere when jets pass by. You know, those white trails."

"NO! I'm not talking about that. Over HERE! Look."

And, by damn, there it was: a small piece of a rainbow in the sky, peeking through the clouds over the dry cleaners.

I saw this written on a plaque once, attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson, though God knows if he really did say it: "Life is full of wondrous things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper." To which I would add, "Or have kids." Mine regularly point out things I would have missed, usually because I am in some furious rush to get them to school or to the doctor's appointment or whatever. Both my daughters have this habit of loitering on the threshold of whatever door they're going through, and I think it's because they are so busy sussing out the view--until I come up behind them: "Hurry UP, get MOVING, we gotta GO." When I am sitting in the old folks' home, staring at my liver spots and waiting for the attendants to change my diaper, I'm not going to remember the pediatrician's appointments we made on time (which we never do anyway), but I probably will remember the piece of the rainbow I saw in the sky over the dry cleaner's. So here you're saying to yourself, Oh yeah, she's gonna say we should stop and smell the roses--but no: I'm not. I mean, I try to, from time to time, but the reality is I'm a driven person. I am not about to become some blissed out Buddha luxuriating in the Transcendental Moment, and if I didn't push my kids' rear ends out the door every day they'd be standing there blowin' smoke rings while the Harvard Class of 2017 went on to hold commencement ceremonies without them. Life is a precarious balance between the mundane imperative  and the need for transcendence, and I see no easy way of reconciling these two needs.

It is good, however, to have a five-year-old passenger in the back of the minivan who will, occasionally, point the transcendental out to you. And to say later, "We were the only ones who saw that, Mom, isn't that cool?" Yes. Yes, it is.

November 21, 2006

The First 10 Years

To my darling daughter, who turns 10 on Nov. 22:

One decade ago on this day, I was about to become a mother. I felt like somebody who, in an impulsive moment, had volunteered for the Olympic luge team. There I was at the top of the mountain, poised to hurtle down its impossibly steep slope, and even though at moments I really wanted to, there was no turning back.

It seems like only a few days ago; it seems like a lifetime. On the night you were born, as they were wheeling me back to my hospital room, I said out loud, "I am a mother"--and I said those words over and over, because the words sounded so strange. Today, Scan0001 I sometimes forget I have any other identity. Your dad and I have watched you grow, and every day has been an education and an adventure. You were born beautiful, and that hasn't changed, even though the baby face has gone and long, honey-colored hair has replaced the infant fuzz that once covered your head (I despaired for awhile of ever having anything but a bald baby). Today you are a girl-child of swift and changeable moods; your smile can light up the room, and your rage can shatter the  windows. You can be goofy one minute, kind and solicitous the next; you come up with more ideas in an afternoon than I usually get in a year. Your mind is like a fireworks factory. You wear me out, when you're not making me laugh. You galumph across the yard like an awkward filly, and the next moment you're coming downstairs in a new dress, looking so pretty and so grown-up I hardly recognize you.

You are, I am happy to say, a Different Sort of Kid; nobody would mistake you for just one of the crowd. And though I know you think that being different is a lonely thing sometimes (and it is), I know you also have a circle of friends who truly love you, who value you for who you are, and this (you will understand someday) is one of the richest things life has to offer, a far better and longer lasting gift than getting elected Prom Queen. (Even though you may cop that title too, someday; I can truthfully say at this point that nothing you may do would amaze me. I passed Amazement a long time ago.)

So now, here we are, poised at the top of another mountain--this one called Adolescence. And I can tell you, now that I've hurtled down a few mountainsides myself, that it's going to be jarring and awkward and painful, and also more fun than you ever imagined. Your dad and I will be with you on this trip, and so will your little sister (who adores you, you know), and after that there will be other mountainsides you'll undertake more or less on your own. You're still a child, but you won't be for much longer--and, as you prepare to leave childhood behind, I have to tell you that I've learned more from you than all the college professors I ever had.

Happy birthday to my firstborn. I am so proud to be your mom.

   

November 19, 2006

It's All in the Name

I never realized how strange Southerners were about names until I married a Yankee boy, but he set me straight. "When we," he said, emphasizing the "we" so that I would know he was talking about normal humans, not Southerners, "are born, we are given names. And after that, people call us by that name. You may get a Dave instead of a David or a Charlie instead of a Charles, but pretty much people get called what's on their birth certificate."

My People, on the other hand, think that the more names the better--a relic, perhaps, of an era when everybody had a backyard still and it was better to keep the Revenooers off the trail. Or maybe it's just a love a words--I dunno. The subject came up the other night when my oldest daughter asked, "Mom, what was your dad's name?" (My father died in 1981.)

"Eldon Andre," I said. "Except that sometimes on some papers it was listed as Eldon Andrew, for reasons nobody ever explained. But that nobody ever called him that. His family all called him Eddie; everybody else called him Tommy, including my mother. Except for my cousin Butch, who called him Unca Led until he was 16 and realized that what he should be saying was Uncle Ed."

There was a pause. "What?" my daughter said.

Imagine her confusion if I'd given her the full nine yards. My cousin Butch's real name is David, but I have never heard anyone address him by this name. His own wife calls him Butch. His father, my father's brother, was named Milner Chalmers, but was universally known as M.C. (and a good thing, too)--except to me and my sister, who knew him as Uncle CC. My mother's name was Enley Ruth, but very few people ever knew about the "Enley" part; for all her life, she was "Ruth." After my father's death, she met up with an old flame at the 40th reunion of Russell High School Class of 1944, of East Point, Georgia, and they were together until the end of her life. His name is W. E. Hiers, but although I have known this person my entire life (he and his family were members of my mother's church), to this day I have no idea what W.E. stands for; I just know him as Buster, as does everyone else. (My father-in-law, who hails from Queens, has never figured out who is Butch and who is Buster, and keeps trying to call both of them Bubba, which just goes to show you that Yankees are tone deaf when it comes to the nuances of language.) My sister's name is Ellen, but I've never called her that; to me, and to most of her friends, she is Nonny. (Long story.) As for me, I had enough names as a child to cover any number of multiple personalities, should I have ever developed that problem: my mother called me Tace or  Tater Bug; my father called me Curly, my sister calls me Bug (another long story) and I answer to almost anything, notably the dinner bell. It was just no big deal, you know? In the  South, putting a name on a child's birth certificate was merely the starting point for negotiations.

In some ways, I think, Southerners regard names the same way T. S. Eliot regarded the names of cats: you can call them whatever you want, but the cat himself has One True Name, which only the cat himself knows, and will never reveal. A person's name is, or should be, something that emerges over time; it reflects personality, and habits, and it should be adaptable, to fit changing circumstances, or to reflect some youthful personality quirk. My father's was called "Tommy" because it went well with "Thompson"--but another reason was that it reflected my father's ease with others, his sunny charm. Calling him Eldon would have felt like putting him in an undertaker's suit, when his natural attire, nomenclaturally speaking, was shorts and a Hawaiian shirt. The only mystery, and it will be forever a mystery, is where the "Andre" came from. Pretty hifalutin' stuff for an Alabama boy, there are no French people anywhere in the Thompson family tree, and his mother never had a satisfactory answer.  Some things, I think, are best left mysteries.

November 16, 2006

Boobs Everywhere

Here we go again. A New Mexico woman is filing a complaint against Delta Air Lines for refusing to let her discreetly breastfeed her 22-month-old child while seated in the next-to-last row of a commuter flight leaving Burlington, Vermont. This news comes on the same day People Magazine hits the stands, revealing a newly svelte Britney Spears wandering around New York City with her boobs hanging out all over the place. Is this a great country, or what?

Here's a thought: what if Britney made an appearance on David Letterman and used those magnificant ta-ta's of hers to nurse her baby? I would stay up way past my bedtime for a chance to watch David Letterman studying the ceiling tiles.

It'll never happen, but it's a nice thought.

November 13, 2006

Shove in Knife, Twist Counterclockwise

Suzanne (five): "See this picture, Mommy?"

I look. It is a picture from one of her field trips from last year, the year I was finishing The Book (see side column). Lots of people are on a hayride, including my little girl and a whole line of cheerful, grinning mommies, me not among them.

"Yeah? What about this picture?"

"This is me being sad, because YOU NEVER WENT WITH US ON A FIELD TRIP THE WHOLE YEAR LONG."

November 10, 2006

Houston, We No Longer Have a Problem

Helping out in my daughters' elementary school library the other day, I was talking with the librarian about the books we were shelving--what had changed since she and I were in elementary school, what had not, favorite books we rememembered and so on. We were working in the biography section, and the librarian told me that not long ago, a fifth grade girl had come into the library looking for a famous person to write a paper about. We live in a majority-black county, and the school board has taken care to see that the shelves are crammed with books about Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King, W.E.B. DuBois, Maya Angelou and all sorts of eminent persons of African ancestry. The little girl, who was black, stood looking for a long time. Finally, she turned around and asked, "Where are all the white people?"

November 08, 2006

The Day After

The day after Election Day often brings surprises--some not so pleasant--but this morning it looks like we are ending a looooong 10 years of Republican domination of Congress, thank yew Jesus. (And for any Republicans reading this I would like to say I have no problems with real Republicans--the kind who like to be prudent about spending, the kind who say, "Hold on a minute--can we really afford this?" Those I am glad to have. The kind I'd just as soon cast into a lake of eternal flames are the ones who funnel billions in federal contracts to their Halliburton friends, who lie about Iraq, who hoist up the Terror Alert level every time something embarrassing happens and who have an unhealthy fixation on what gay people are doing with their private parts.)

Anyway, I also love the day-after election stories, especially this one in Salon about the guy in Allentown, Pennsylvania who whomped an electronic voting machine to smithereens with a cat-shaped paperweight ("He smashed it with the cat's ears," said one witness--oh the horror) and the voter in Louisville, Kentuckey who declined to vote on a judicial election because he wasn't familiar with the candidates and was throttled by a poll worker who insisted that he do so. ("VOTE, damn you! VOTE!") This is why I have always preferred non-fiction as a genre: nobody could make up this stuff.

Here in the D.C. suburbs it was chaos central. I stood in line for 45 minutes to vote and according to the poll worker I talked to as I left, I set a speed record. My husband stood in line for 90 minutes, and in some places the polls were still open at 11 p.m. with people standing in line to vote. The problem at our polling place appeared to be that there were only 10 machines, and there was a long ballot, with a lot of state constitutional amendments on it. No matter that the state sent out a sample ballot two weeks ago, with everything you were going to see at the polls printed on it; people still arrived at the polls and were stunned! thunderstruck! to see a long paragraph about whether the county council's approval should be required whenever an increase of 3 percent of more in the county budget was proposed, etc etc, MEGO (My Eyes Glaze Over). I saw people standing there staring at that electronic machine for 10 minutes or more, trying to parse the legalese. Here's a suggestion, people: either study up, or skip it. If it matters enough to you to vote on it, read up enough so you'll know what you're looking at and you can hit "yes" or "no" with dispatch. Don't make the rest of us stand on our aching bunions while you decide at the 11th hour to crack open the textbook for the first time. It's not like Election Day is a surprise, for Chrissake.

I merrily zipped through my ballot in probably 30 seconds or less, having come to the polls prepared to vote for just about anything Democrat that had Republican opposition, providing it did not have two heads and was not a wife-beater (except for Steny Hoyer, who is a Democrat, and who I cannot forgive for backing that so-called "bankruptcy reform" that makes it harder for people to declare bankruptcy. There are a lot of reliable studies, like this one, which show that unexpected illness and high medical bills account for roughly half of the bankruptcies in the United States, so going with the banks on this one fell under the heading of Keeping the Contributors Happy--subhead, Being a Cold-Hearted SOB). Most especially I wanted to vote for Martin O'Malley for Maryland governor--and, by golly, he won. I am convinced it's because I did not put up a yard sign. I have a long history of supporting losing candidates, starting with John Anderson in 1980 (anybody remember him?), and the more vocal my support for somebody, the bigger their opponent's margin of victory. I did have an O'Malley sign in my front yard, but somebody stole it, and I took this as a sign from God: keep your mouth shut, honey. So I did, and O'Malley won. Behold, my power! He owes me, man. Big time.

November 03, 2006

And They Call These HAPPY Pills

Forgot to take my meds last night. As anyone who lives with/on depression medication can tell you, this is not a good thing. I took my pills the minute I discovered my error, but missing a dose does something to you that takes about a day to sort out. It's nearly noon and I am just now feeling vaguely human. And my brain feels like it is floating in my skull, not connected to anything, sort of like whatever is inside one of those Crazy Eight balls. I turn my head and it takes a second or two for my eyeballs to catch up with my skull, and then for my brain to catch up with my eyeballs. Fellow sufferers will recognize what I have just described as The Zaps. Those who have no idea what I'm talking about: thank your lucky stars.

November 02, 2006

Exploitation in the Guise of Helping

I have a Dr. Phil problem. I also have a problem with Dr. Phil.

My Dr. Phil problem is that (oh, God, this is embarrassing) I (ahem) like his show. This is not considered culturally erudite behavior; I should be reading The New York Review of Books and improving my mind. But while I thoroughly enjoyed David Bromwich's recent thoughts on Abraham Lincoln in the latter's Nov. 2 edition, I gotta say Dr. Phil is pretty fascinating too. I like his Texas accent. I like his prosecutorial style of questioning. He's blunt. He can be funny. Yeah, lately the show has tended toward uncomfortably sleazy territory, but it's not Jerry Springer. Not until now, anyway.

But the show scheduled for Nov. 3 (tomorrow) is not one I will be watching. It's a show about purported child abuse, and the reason I won't be watching it is that I've seen too much already. Dr. Phil has made sure of that. He's been showing a clip of a three-year-old child sobbing, "Daddy hurt my pee pee" at every opportunity, and every time I see that clip I feel a knife in my heart. Did daddy in fact do such a thing? I don't know. Does Dr. Phil intend to help this child, who obviously comes from a family that needs some kind of help? I suppose so. Is he using her likeness and her heartbreaking plea to hype his ratings? You bet, baby. 

This is disgraceful. It is actually below Jerry Springer, who at least exploits adults (or paid actors, or extraterrestrials, or whoever they are) on his show. This is a child, for God's sake. If this turns out to not be a case of child molestation, I cannot imagine this child's relationship with her father will survive this kind of exposure. And if it is true, especially if it is true, nobody has any business showing such a video on national television. It is simply obscene.

So I'm boycotting Dr. Phil tomorrow. I hope anybody who reads this will too.

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